..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

6.01.2004

What didn't work.

One reader introduced me to this this site. They've got a whole page about, what didn't work -- and I thought I'd go through each of them as I've seen them in my life. Here's the first:

Denying or Suppressing It
Pretending there was nothing amiss in our lives was like ignoring a growing tumor. Refusing to deal with our homosexual problems ensured that they would continue to thrive and multiply. We could resist for a time. We could look the other way. But that only gave our problems time to fester and grow worse. We could abstain from homosexual behavior, but that didn't resolve the feeling. Avoiding the problem could never fix the problem.

A lot here would say being gay isn't a problem. I believe if they'd just trace the roots of their psycho / sexual development, they'd find some very interesting things out about themselves. Then there's that, the APA removed homosexuality from its list of mental disorders. They also removed pedophilia from their list of disorders as well, if I remember correctly.

I think the point here is that homosexuality is really the tip of the ice berg. I've seen that. No matter what any of you might say, I can't ignore the role being sexually abused as a child played in my sexual development. And if you try to tell me it had nothing to do with my being gay, well -- you're wrong.

I'm not sure though, that I ever tried to surpress or deny the problem. I was never like, I'm not really gay, so I don't have to deal with it. I've always been, I'm gay and I need to find a way to fix this. I have though, been very lazy about it for a long time. It's been years (1998) since I first told a counselor I was gay. Seven years later and I'm still pretty much trapped.