..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

6.07.2004

What didn't work 7.

More from People Can Change:

Isolation and Secrecy
As long as we kept our "shameful secret" hidden and attempted to fix it in isolation and secrecy, we made little or no progress. ... Problems relating to others do not heal in isolation without relationships. Fear of trusting others cannot be overcome without taking the calculated risk to trust.

Hmmm. Calculated risk to trust. I don't know about this one. I've never told anyone close to me about all this, and I really, really don't want to. I guess I've always known that I'll have to eventually -- my future wife, perhaps (if there'll ever be one). But this is a step I'm not ready to take. This blog provides some anonymity, and that's were I'm comfortable right now. And yeah, I know I need to push myself out of that comfort, but I'm just not ready yet. Maybe God will show me someone that I can trust. I'm just afraid to ask for fear that He'll answer.

I do like the lilne about healing in isolation without relationships. It's why I objected to this bloggers thoughts on the subject, earlier.

Continued...

...we found that what we wanted most -- authentic male bonding -- in some ways, we actually feared the most. Emotional intimacy felt much more risky than sexual intimacy. So we used lust and sex to give the illusion of intimacy without having to take the emotional risk of opening our hearts to another man, especially a straight man.

No comment on this, really, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I talked a little about this fear way back in the beginning. As I find more guys that are accepting and affirming of my own manhood, I become a little more confident in those areas. But the world of guys is still a pretty scary one.