..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

6.09.2004

Thorns.

It's that time of year when most guys (myself included) bare it like Beckham and I had something very insightful to write in regard. But, I think I'll save it until tomorrow. The blog has received a couple higher profile links today, and as I was reading through some of the stuff out ther -- I got to thinking. Put your seatbealts on, it's a rocky road.

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. :: 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Paul had something in his life that plagued him, and though we don't know what it was we pretty much know that he died still afflicted from it. So, what if the same happens to me?

I'm not despairing here, at all -- I find a lot of hope in those verses, I always have. It's just that I really don't know where this is all going, where it's going to end. It's not that I have any doubt that God can heal me, that God can take this from me, that God can restore me to the fullness of what He created me to be. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that freedom from homosexuality is not only possible, but fully desireable. I believe it's something God has in store for me.

But I've got to ask the question, because so many out there are convinced it will never happen. If I'm going to deal with this, I need to address the issue: What if I remain this way (gay) for the rest of my life?

Will I embrace my homosexuality? Never. Will I self-destruct under the weight of shame? No. Will my faith in God waiver? Doubtful. I'll always have highs and lows (we all do) but there's nothing that will seperate me from the love of my Father. Ever.

It's a precarious question, it is. Suffering is hard to take, even harder to understand. It's probably one of the most familiar objections to Christianity out there. I don't pretend to understand it or like it. Lewis had a good handle on it in the Problem of Pain. But not even he had all the answers.

No matter what happens, His grace will be sufficient for me. On this matter, I'm resolved.