..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

6.10.2004

Choice.

This is one of the few things that does make me hurt, because it represents how little is understood about the ex-gay movement:

"If it can be changed, then it is a choice. If it can be changed, anyone can change it if they try hard enough, and those of us who have tried and failed are just failed, pathetic human beings."

I don't believe it is a choice, regardless of whether change is possible or not. Depression is not a choice (no one asks to be depressed), but you can become "undepressed" through a lot of hard work and emotional healing.

I think this guy was obviously missing the God aspect of his life. If I were trying to do this on my own, I'd end up bitter and miserable, too. I'd also be as defensive as this guy is about it. I've said before that any change I achieve threatens others who don't want to change or don't want to try. At least this guy had enough guts to admitt it. I just wish he had the hope that I do. Maybe things would be better for him.

Then comes the whole aspect of pain. Yeah it hurts. Yes I'm suffering -- but an absence of pain and suffering in our lives doesn't necessarily equal hapiness. And the presence of pain and suffering doesn't preclude hapiness either. I'm reading Lewis on the subject now, and I think he's a pretty smart guy.

And I wonder, does it really matter how many times guys like this fail? That doesn't prove its "impossible" as some have told me. Maybe it shows that its hard, but... duh.

UPDATE: The guy I quoted, added this to the comment thread: "Give me a break. I attend church twice a week, and at one point was attending vocational conferences in the Catholic Church. Just because I don't bow to a hateful, worthless fundamentalist conception of God doesn't mean that I'm 'missing the God aspect' of my life." I just wanted to make sure everyone got to see it. I have my thoughts, but I'll give him the break he asked for.