..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

6.08.2004

Calculated Risk.

I cried myself to sleep last night, for the first time in a long time. It used to be a common occurence in college. Too many old memories, I guess. I feel a lot better now, time passing and all. Truth is, I'm lonely. Living Hope would tell me to turn to God in times like this (a lot of people would tell me that, and rightly so). But God is so intangible sometimes. So silent. It reminds me of that old Footprints in the Sand story, not that that makes me feel better.

Which all brings me to the calculated risk. I already know my relationship with God needs work, and as I allow that to be restored, perhaps the intangibleness will change. The risk I'm talking about is with people. I rarely talk to others about my personal life. I'm just afraid to.

But I've got to take that risk, I think. I need to let people in, I need to take the risk. Knowing it and being able to do it are two very different things. We'll see how it goes.