..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

5.19.2004

Suicide waiting to happen.

That's apparently what I am. A poor, confused, lost soul with nothing to look forward to but taking my own life, because I refuse to believe that God created me gay (read: lost, hurting, confused, disjointed).

That's what they're saying over at this site. There's another post here but I'm not real sure what that one means.

So, lets be clear. I've already tried to kill myself. Well, I came real close. Had I tried, I'd be dead. It had nothing to do with my "orientation" in anyway -- I was actually quite happy frequenting bath houses and hooking up with random college guys at that point in my life. There was a lot of other stuff going on that pushed me over the edge.

God caught me, though.

Today, believe it or not, I'm more stable than I've ever been. Happier with myself than I've ever been. More understanding of God's grace than I've ever been. Life is good. God is good. Life also sucks. God is still good.