..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

5.04.2004

I don't think it's funny.

I spend some time every now and then over in the forums at Livehope.org. They're a cool group -- though some of them are so flippant about their SSA (same-sex attraction, don't worry, I couldn't figure it out either). They're able to joke about it and laugh and make fun of themselves. I can't. I'm absolutely devasted by the fact that I'm gay.

But I want to. I'm not complaining about them or anything like that. I would love to be in the place that they are. I'd love to be at any other place other than where I am. I'd love to be able to make fun of myself and not take all this so seriously -- but it weighs so hard on my heart. It hurts so much. It's like a disease. A chronic illness that no one really knows what the cure (or cause). Except for those of you whom would say Jesus (and sin). And I agree. Really, I do. But alas, nothing in life is ever that simple. Is it?