..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

5.24.2004

Fantasy.

How do we really take every thought captive? I can't. Maybe it goes back to that will power thing, but I close my eyes and I see guys. Sex. Guys I've been with, guys I liked, the bath houses I've been in, the clubs. And the fantasies. I do fight it for a while (all around two seconds). Then I indulge. Heartily. Funny thing is, they're sometimes straight fantasies, but mostly not.

It's hard, when I'm laying there in bed at night, to not think of sex. It's hard to take those thoughts captive. And, it's getting harder. The more I abstain, the more there's no other outlet -- the more my minds crazy. Maybe Peter is right. The sex drive of a 22-year-old is a powerful thing to contend with.