..::|:.: Scattered Words

"in brokeness, I could see, that this was your will for me..." :: Jeremy Camp

5.14.2004

Attention.

We're getting it. I read Fifteen Minutes all the time (I don't think Justin realizes this, but he went to school with me for a while) and found this in the comments on one of his posts. It's from a guy named Brock (who seems genuinely nice in and of himself):

I'm concerned, also, with the confused individuals who frequent Scattered Words (a website I found through this [Fifteen Minutes] one) and their repressive viewpoints. I feel sorry for the guy there who feels he needs to be straight and I would love to tell some of the people who "lift him up" how unloving they seem to me.

I wonder how to make everything really clear. I don't feel I need to be straight, really. I want to be straight. That's what I've wanted all my life. I feel that I can't go on being not straight anymore -- regardless of whether I'm right or not (and I am right), it's a lifestyle that's at odds with my faith -- something that's a deep part of me. Even if people can't agree, why can't they see that this is something I need to do? That in the end I'll be better off for it.

Most of all, why can't they just see this is right? Is it good for me to be addicted to sex? Is it good for me to look at pornography and jack off all the time and randomly hook-up with any guy I can find? Is this a healthy, safe lifestyle? Is it okay to ignore the real needs in my life and continue to fill them with sex? Is it okay to be constantly depressed, lonely, unfulfilled, and always full of self-pity? Is it okay that the way I'm going, I'll never be married -- I never fulfill something I believe God has laid out for my life? Is it okay that I slap God in the face by choosing which parts of his commands I'll follow and those that I won't?

Is it okay to go on through the rest of my life hurting?

It's just so much more then feeling that I "need to be straight" -- so much more.